Brigit and Bonanza

Brigit inflicted herself upon me in first year in a most memorable fashion. T’was during lunch and we must have only been secondary students for a couple of days. Actually I’m sure of it. I missed a day and a half the first week of school and it was because of her.
“How’re Ya doing?” says she.
“Brigit’s the name. Who are you?”
“Oh hello”, says I.
“Joan, they call me Joanie at home”. I made a bit of space for her on the bench. Not that I needed to. No one else was near me.
“Have you had your lunch Joanie?” she says.
“No, I’m just about to start” In hindsight, I should have lied and gone hungry. She might have moved on, though I’d have missed out on a lot if I did.
“Great” says Brigit and she plonks herself down beside.
“Did you see Bonanza last night? God I could take a bite out of Little Joe, he’s so gorgeous, isn’t he? And she gives me the elbow, along with the soon to be infamous Brigit wink.
“I only saw a bit of it”, says I. I was a bit sharp with my reply because Brigit was altogether too pretty to like Little Joe. No one needs that kind of competition, Joe Cartwright was a particularly attractive lump of a lad. He had a fine square jaw and broad shoulders and dark wavy hair. I wasn’t a particular fan of curly hair on boys in general, but I made an exception for Joe. It didn’t make him look girly at all, even when he cried.

And he did a lot of that. He’d tear up at the drop of a hat and without a moment’s notice but in his defence it was always for a good reason. A friend might be lying shot at his feet or his father could have had a turn of some kind and sure as Christmas, Little Joe would be in tears beside their dead or twitching bodies. No one in the Ponderosa batted an eyelid anyway. Sure they were all prone to tears at one stage or another, even Hoss. You wouldn’t get away with that in our house I can tell you. If you attempted to have a snivel you’d have to hide. Otherwise Mother would say,
“Crying now are you? Hah! Are you crying? Come’re to me now and I’ll give you a reason to cry”.
As if we would, no one’s that stupid. Jesus, even Hoss would run. We’d head out the yard until we got over ourselves. If Little Joe lived with us he’d spend his life in the shed with the cows. Still, despite that impediment he was a fine thing.
Feck Brigit. Could she not have picked Danno out of Hawaii 5 0? I decided I’d try to deflect her interest in that direction.
“Ah Bonanza is only alright. Did you see Hawaii 5 0 Monday night? Where Danno got shot? Poor Danno.”

“Feck Danno”, says Brigit. He should marry Steve McGarrett entirely and be done with it. There’s no substance to him. Book him my arse. They should book themselves a room. Sure Danno wouldn’t even fart without his permission. There’s more meat to Bonanza by a long shot. You missed a great one Joanie. Pedro got shot by the Indians – dead as a maggot and they..”
“Who’s Pedro?” says I. I knew well. Hadn’t I watched every second of it last night, but ’twas too late now to let on. I had to play along.
“Oh they only had him on at the beginning. He was fixing the fences with Hoss up ’til the ads. Then straight after, doesn’t Carmelita, Pedro’s, wife run into the Cartwrights roaring and we find out Pedro’s goose was well and truly cooked by a rogue band of Indians.
So they have the funeral and all head to the saloon after. Hoss meets Pedro’s brother and they get drunk and then the brother wants Hoss to get revenge on the Injuns with him. What have you there?” she leans in on top of me to see my lunch. I had brown bread with butter and a bit of jam. You could tell she was disappointed. Brigit had white bread with lettuce and something else poking out of it. I think it was ham and I’m sure I saw a bit of tomato. Fancy.
“It’s not like Hoss to take revenge,” says I.
“Oh Jesus, no way. Sur’ isn’t he as slow as next Christmas and thick as a plank to boot. Meanwhile, Pedro wasn’t even in his coffin and Carmelita was trying to throw a leg over Little Joe. Those Mexicans are a sexy bunch”.
“He didn’t..you know. Did he?” I nearly let it slip I had seen it, but I managed to make a question out of my comment. Brigit didn’t seem to notice.
I have to say I had a bit of panic myself during that scene. Carmelita was fierce exotic and there were a couple of moments in it I was certain she’d turn Little Joe’s head. Thank God he stayed the course. I harboured a hope that if he could hold off the marriage business until I got out of secondary school I might well be in the running. It wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility. The Ponderosa was out of my reach in terms of distance, but don’t movie stars travel? They have the money for it.